It has been two and a half months since my dad died and I still cannot wrap my head around it...I honestly don't even know what to type or where to begin with how different my entire life is. I can sit in my room and drink a vanilla coke and that reminds me of him (he got me hooked on it). Such small, small things always remind me of him, or a conversation we had, or a time we went and did something. Just the other day I was having a computer problem and he was always the go-to guy for help...I literally picked up my phone and started to search "daddy" in my contacts and it slapped me in the face...he isn't here anymore. I wish I could even being to explain how empty everything feels without him around. He wasn't here for my birthday...even though he got me a birthday card. Thanksgiving is coming up, and I know it's not going to be anywhere near how it should be.
I know the pain I feel from him being gone will never come close to the pain he endured and fought against as hard as he could, but I can't help but be a little selfish...Why couldn't the dad who abuses their children get taken and I still get to keep mine? Why can't the dad down the street who doesn't attempt to spend time with their kids leave this Earth and my dad, who made sure to be at everything Robert and I were a part of, have to get taken by such an ugly disease? It isn't fair. I know...life isn't fair, but I can't think of anything he did to deserve his fate..He went off to war at 17 years old to serve his country. He beat the 97% odds against him surviving and recovering from getting hepatitis after a blood transfer..
I don't understand, and I'll never understand. I wish I could put how I feel into words so people can know where I'm coming from, but it's a feeling no one will ever understand unless they experience it. I hate hearing my friends talk about their dads...I know that's awful to say, but it makes me miss my dad SO much. I could punch every single person I hear complain about their dad, even someone I've never met before. I wish, so badly, that I could hear my dad speak again...to see him healthy again for 2 seconds, and I never will.
Robert William Clark I
August 10th, 1950 - September 1st, 2011.
You are the strongest man I will ever know.
And I love you more than I could ever express.
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