missed

"To tell you the truth, I miss everything; everything.." -Train


I'm in one of those moods where I'm just missing my dad. It isn't fair the way he was taken from me, or how quickly it all happened. It'll be one month in less than 8 hours and I still haven't managed to completely wrap my mind around it all. Is this really my real life? Will I not have a father for the rest of my entire life? No dad to walk me down the aisle when I get married, or be there when I graduate college and start my life. It's not fair. It doesn't feel real. I don't think it ever will.






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despite that inevitable empty feeling, I am happy with my life and myself. I am finally letting myself be happy and enjoy the little things. Finally living that "college life" I didn't allow myself to live last year. I have never met so many amazing people and I am so happy I finally have. I'm allowing myself to just live, day to day; everything is so different.

"grabbed a beer and my old guitar.."

Who is the cutest person you have talked to today?

I haven't really talked to anyone today except Sarah and my fam.

Your last ex shows up at your house and asks for you back, you say... ?

No...

Is the person you last texted single?

Yep.

How often do you straighten your hair?

I fry the shit out of it.

Would you ever go on a game show if you were offered?

I doubt it.

What does your phone do when it receives a new text?

Vibrates?

When and why did your parents get their angriest at you?

I couldn't tell you.

Why did you even kiss the last person you kissed?

Because I wanted to. ha

Was last night terrible?

Last night was fucking EPIC.

Has anyone ever done mean things to you while you were sleeping?

Nah.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?

For like an hour.

Do you scare little kids?

Nah.

What color is your best friend's hair?

Normal color.

What color is YOUR hair?

Hell if I know what this 'color' is.

Are you grumpy or happy?

Tired.

How many people do you like?

I like everybody I talk to.

Do you get jealous easily?

Depending on what happened.

Do you act different around someone you like?

Nope.

Do you find it hard to tell someone you like them?

Maybe.

Are you happy?

Very.

Do you like meeting new people?

LOVE it.

Are you afraid of falling in love?

I'd rather not right now.

Do you consider yourself lucky?

Sometimes.

Are you wasting time on the person you like?

Can't say I "like" anyone in particular right now.

When was the last time you had butterflies in your stomach?

No idea.

Does the person you like, like you back?

....

You find out your ex is having a kid with someone you don't like you say.

Go fucking figure.

Who was the last person that you said "i love you" to?

Mom.

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Michael.

Do you still like that person?

...

Would you ever kiss anyone over 16?

I wouldn't kiss anyone under 16.

Do you worry your last ex will move on and be happier with another person?

I hope he is happier with someone else.

Are there framed pictures from your parents wedding in your house?

No.

Is a best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend or ex pissing you off at the moment?

Friend.

Do you think girls are annoying?

Sometimes.

Do you believe that there's good in everybody?

Not at all.

Have you ever loved anyone named Ben?

No...

Are you excited for winter?

Not. At. All.

What's the most important thing in life, to you?

Being happy.

What kind of change would be good for you right now?

A lot.

Do you have a hard time accepting the truth?

Not anymore..

If you could go back to any time period of your life, what would it be?

I'd like to spend a summer with my dad again, back when I was little.

Do you think girls with tramp stamps are sending a sign that they're easy?

No, but they're stupid.

Do you believe you control your own destiny?

To a degree.

You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, any problems?

Hahahhaha, that'd be so interesting..

Have you ever caught a fish?

Yep.

What was the last beverage you had?

H2O.

Are you someone who worries too often?

Sorta.

Did you wake up before 8am this morning?

Right at 8...

Do you wear eyeliner?

<3.

Do you get mad easily?

Yeah.

Have you ever felt like you were not good enough?

Who hasn't.

Where were you on your fifteenth birthday?

Turning 15 somewhere.

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend?

Yeah.

Truth or dare always turns sexual, doesn't it?

I haven't played it since I was like 12.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?

Yesterday. 

Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast?

Slow and steady wins the race.

Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Somewhat.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?

Obv.

Do you find it difficult to sleep?

Depends on my day.

What are you wearing?

Sweat pants & a long sleeve tee

Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?

Yep.

Would you pay someone to kill the last person who hurt you most?

Nah.

What is your favorite color?

Purple.

What color are your eyes?

Brwwwwn..

Do you think relationships are hard?

They can be.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?

It depends on what feelings they are.

Is the last person you kissed mad at you?

Nope.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

Maybe.

Has anyone told you they don't wanna ever lose you?

Yep, sure did lose me too.

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?

Ha, funny story...

Do you truly hate anyone?

No.

Did you like anyone last summer?

Michael.

Will tomorrow be good?

I'll be busy with school

Who can make you feel better in a difficult situation?

Mom,

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

HA 1.5 hours.

Is there something you want to say to someone but can't/wont?

Yep.

Is there anyone you couldn't go a day without talking to?

No.

When was the last time someone said you were cute?

Last night.

It's 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it?

BEZER'S

Do you believe what goes around comes around?

Somewhat.

Are you mad at someone right now?

Yep.

Is there someone you want to fight?

Sorta.

Is there someone that you can trust with all your secrets?

Nope.

Is there a guy that knows everything about you?

Not anymore.

Are you in a good mood?

I'm exhausted.

Anything you're giving up on?

Not yet.

Can you go in public looking like you do?

Yeaaah.

Where were you at 2:00am this morning?

Having a fucking blast.

How is your heart lately?

Beating and keeping me alive.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Brotherrr.

Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap?

Story of my life.

Do you miss anyone?

I miss my dad.

Is your hair straight or curly?

Poofy hot mess.

Is it hard for you to be happy for someone else?

No.

Have you ever liked anyone older then you?

Yeeeerp.

You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?

I want my dad's hand writing on my wrist,

If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care?

HA. Fuck them.

To See How Much Has Changed.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.Day Two: Nine things about yourself.Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).Day Seven: Four turn offs.Day Eight: Three turn ons.Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.Day Ten: One confession.

Ten Things To Say To Ten Different People:

1: You are the absolute, without a doubt, BEST dad I could have ever asked for. You coached my softball team, played sports with us every weekend, and never missed out on anything we were a part of, whether it be baseball/softball games, marching band, or Winterguard performances. I am such a lucky girl, to have a dad who was and is such a hard working, selfless, honorable man. I know very few who can say they're as lucky as I am. I love you daddy, forever and ever. You'll forever be with me, even though you're not here. <3

2: I feel like I am so lucky to have met you. You are absolutely my favorite person I have met in 2011 and I enjoy the little bit of time I have spent with you. The talk we had a few nights ago was such a significant thing and I can't say I've honestly had a talk that deep with someone in God knows how long. You're precious, no doubt.

3: Nucca Hottie. That sums everything up in two words. Loveyoumeanit.

4: It feels like I am once again losing my best friend. This happened last year when you got a boyfriend, and while I know this guy is different and you're head over heels in love with him, it sucks knowing I'm not worth much of your time anymore.

5: To the two parents that made me feel as though I was part of the family. Thank you for everything you've done for me, thank you for being there and listening to me talk about things when it got rough and thank you even more for giving me advice and telling me I'll be okay. I love ya'll with all my heart, and while I am not with Michael anymore, that will not change for the world. I have never felt more comfortable/at home with anyone else's family and the fact that you guys are still offering to be there for me makes me love you two so much more.

6: Don't know what I'd do without you Robert. You're the best big brother ever, even though we get a little diva towards each other and reach that #overit point.

7: You're one of my good friends, but no one likes a dog. Slow your roll, sweetheart. 

8: I'm SO happy we've regained our friendship we had, even though we don't see each other anywhere near as much as we used to. I need to make my way back to the house to see Fatty, I miss him.

9: I miss you guys more than anything in this entire world. RG4L.

10: I honestly don't have the SLIGHTEST clue as to what I would do without you. You're super woman, and you always make sure we're taken care of and get to do whatever it is we want to do. You're the best mom in the world.

Nine Things About Yourself:

1-I am so proud of myself for getting my life back on track and in the order it needs to be.

2-Winterguard still completely owns my heart, and I will do anything I can to march this year.

3-I'm happy to finally be meeting new people and making the friends I didn't make last year.

4-I've turned into a social butterfly again.

5-Country music now has the key to my heart...and I would have never seen that one coming.

6-I'm such a sucker for a sweetheart.

7-Despite all the stress and loss I have experienced, I am still such a happy person and have such an amazing life.

8-That being said, I find it really hard to find sympathy for others when they come to with problems. If I don't hate my life       after everything I've experience in the past year, you shouldn't hate yours.

9- I am happy. :)

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:

1-Be a sweetheart, I'm tired of dealing with assholes

2-Let me cuddle up to you and watch my favorite movie.

3-Sense of humor, please.

4-I love a smart bitch, don't waste your life and your education.

5-Don't smother me, I'm not going to double cross you.

6-BE LOYAL.

7-Enjoy yourself, and have the "boys night" when need be. 

8-Trust me. 

Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot:

1-Is this really real life?

2-Wow..daddy's really gone... :(

3-I seriously have too much on my plate, and I keep stacking more on.

4-"I might as well live in the library, I spend more time there than at home."

5-I REALLY miss Winston.

6-I should probably find a couple more girls to hang out with instead of always hanging out with the boys.

7-I'm really happy, regardless of everything.

Six Things I Wish I'd Never Done:

1-Allowed someone to treat me like their doormat

2-Said hurtful things to my dad

3-Lose my sister

4-Slack off big time freshman year at USC

5-Be a selfish bitch to those who love me

6-Lied to my parents, about anything

Five People Who Mean A Lot:

1-My 3 parents

2-My 3 siblings

3-Jared

4-The Edmonds

5-Courtney

Four Turn Offs:

1-Being a dog

2-Lying

3-Being shady

4-Having the Herp

Three Turn Ons:

1-Being a sweetheart

2-Pretty teeth

3-A fabulous sense of humor

Two Smileys That Describe My Life Right Now:

1- :) -->Happy

2- >:| -->Stressed

One Confession:

1- I refuse to settle for less than what I deserve